WC Bob (I'm Sorry, Man)

I'm sorry to have to tell this story, but it's way too funny to keep secret anymore. I do feel bad about this, though.

Okay, so when I was in Lanzhou, I met a whole lot of people. Of course I did, China's got a ton of people, and since I was Lanzhou University of Technology's first-ever exchange student, I got a lot of attention, right? Yeah.

So, anyway, I met a bunch of dudes who were going to study abroad the next year - among them Janson and Freddy, who became my bandmates and my best friends while I was over there.

I also met Bob.

Bob was also going to study at NEIU - I didn't know him that well, and I still don't, but I liked him and still like him. Occasionally, I will still talk to him.

When I first met him, it was on L.U.T.'s West Campus, because that's where he lived. We talked, exchanged numbers, and I put him in my phone as "WC Bob" - short for "West Campus Bob", because I already had a "Bob" in my phone.

Now, here's where things get a little complicated. China has a couple of hundred years' worth of history in dealing extensively with Europeans, mainly the British and Germans. Even now, there are traces of this influence all over the country, but none more odd than the WC sign.

The WC sign is known as representative of one thing: the bathroom - public bathrooms, more often than not. It took me a long time and a lot of asking before I found out WC stood for "Water Closet," a mostly British term.

No doubt, you can see where this is going.

I had never connected the name in my phone and the sign on the streets as being the same. They were always locked away in my brain as two different things, of course. WC Bob is a cool dude, and the WC is where I go to the bathroom. I never even thought about the fact that it could be a point of embarrassment for Bob.

A few months had gone by, and I was in Guangzhou (Canton, for you historians and old-timers haha) with Bob and some of the other L.U.T. students, when we were trying to find out what Bob was up to.

Somebody's phone was dead, and I said, "Use mine, he's under WC Bob."




................................"What?"

"WC Bob. West Campus Bob - that's where he lives, right?"

................................."Dude, WC is the toilet."

And wouldn't you know it, Bob walked in right then. Perfect timing.

"HEY, WC Bob!!! We were trying to find you!" said the other guys.

He was really confused, and once the whole story emerged, both of us were quite embarrassed - me because of my ignorance, and Bob because of his newly-found nickname. I believe it's been forgotten, but just in case it hasn't, I want to take this moment and tell Bob that I'm sorry. That was my bad, dude, and I know they gave you crap about it for a little while.

Sorry, dude.

And that's the story of Bob "WC" ****, a true tale of cultural ignorance, loss of face, and forgetfulness.

The Midnight Hotel Phone Call

During your travels in China, unless you have friends in every city, you will at least stay in one hotel. 

Hotel rooms in mid-to-large sized cities contain something that American hotels never do: condoms and sexual paraphernalia. On a desk somewhere in your room may be a little plastic case containing condoms, some kind of scented towels and underwear for each person, or something of the like (they are not free, of course). 

Usually, the cases are bigger and with more stuff, but you get the idea....

Besides the obvious fun this could provide for the customer, it is also part of a governmental effort to combat the growing HIV problem among the Chinese population.

The hotel does not stop there. Later in the evening, some hotels will even give you a call asking you if you need any “services”. Basically, they are asking if you want any girls to come up to your room. The costs vary, of course, but if you do not wish to have these services or if you cannot speak Chinese, it is a good idea to unplug the phone in your room if you do not want this kind of call. If your Chinese is not very good and you don’t understand and do not make your meaning clear, they will send up the women anyway. If they come, simply tell them you do not need their services. 我不需要服务。

The phone is pretty much for this purpose only - the hotel doesn't call you just to ask if you have enough towels.

Read About My Accidental Brush With Chinese Hotel Prostitution in Xi'an.

This is an interesting aspect of Chinese culture. Since prostitution is 'technically' illegal in China and sex is a taboo topic of conversation, it is strange that hotels will arrange such services. China is known to be a country which loves to grow its economy, so something as lucrative as hotel prostitution is something which businessmen have not overlooked.

The Lost Roman Legion

This is old news to some, but I think it's pretty interesting.


Pretty much every time you see the words "The Lost......." before something historical or legendary, it always ends up being really interesting. The Lost Roman Legion, the Lost Colony of Roanoke, the Lost Diadem of Ravenclaw, the list goes on.


"The Lost Roman Legion," as legend has dubbed them, were those few Romans left standing after their defeat (or massacre) at Carrhae under Marcus Crassus (Carrhae is in present day Turkey).

After their defeat, it is said the Parthians captured about 10,000 troops and sent them to Marginia (Afghanistan/Turkmenistan today) to guard the eastern end of the empire. The Chinese eventually captured this area and it is thought to be the first contact between the Romans and Chinese. Somehow, some of these Romans were captured and made to fight for the Xiongnu (also known as Huns, but this is controversial among some).

They fought with the Xiongnu (Huns) against the Chinese, were captured by the Chinese, and are thought to have been moved to Liqian Village, in what is now China's Gansu province.


"They supposedly fought as mercenaries in a war between the Huns and the Chinese in 36BC – Chinese chroniclers refer to the capture of a "fish-scale formation" of troops, a possible reference to the "tortoise" phalanx formation perfected by legionnaries."


There is some evidence to this claim. This link - The Telegraph - shows a Chinese man from the village with green eyes. That's not something you seen in ordinary Chinese people. Tests show that some villagers have as much as 56% Caucasian in origin....that's not something that can be faked. 

The village is in a remote part of Gansu province, and until recently, was not frequented by foreigners. Skeptics would have proved long ago through provincial records or something of the like that foreigners came into the area in more recent times. Many in the village believe themselves to be descendants of the Romans.


It's not totally implausible. There are still descendants of blue-eyed and fair-skinned Alexander the Great's army in India, Afghanistan, and Pakistan. I even heard something (just heard) that there is a village somewhere in rural Pakistan that still speaks an ancient dialect of Greek. Cool! I can't think of any other military campaign besides Alexander's and this story's which reached so far. Maybe there's something to it, who knows?


I don't know exactly what's going on here, but it's definitely something I'm interested in looking into further. Here's some of the stuff I looked at for this blog post - feel free to continue to search!

Arch News
Xinhua
Liqian Village Wiki
UNRV

Forgetting Spoons Plus Update

Before my actual post, I just wanted to update you guys on the situation. I know it's been a long time since my last post - I have been having some internet problems. The neighbors whose I've been stealing at my apartment locked their network, so I had to buy my own network. Good thing it's so cheap - it's 20 yuan for 100 hours. They just take it from my cell phone bill, which is convenient for me. Now I have to go to one of the school buildings on campus and use the internet. It's fairly reliable, but a little inconvenient. Oh, well....that's that. Happy reading! 5/15 I forgot how to hold a spoon today…..maybe I've been away for too long haha. I was eating what's called 砂锅 (sha guo), which is a small pot - maybe a little bigger than a softball - that's stuffed with vegetables and usually one or two types of meat. The pot is put over the fire, and then soup is added, cooking the raw vegetables and meat. Then you can choose to eat rice or bread with it (I say bread, but it's sort of like a mix between an English muffin and unleavened Jewish bread...interesting) and dive in. Since it's soup-based, you get a spoon and chopsticks with it. I used my chopsticks till the veggies ran low, and then picked up my spoon. It felt really strange - I couldn't decide between using 2, 3, or 4 fingers. It was really awkward, I wish I had been eating with someone or had my camera - I would have documented it. I ultimately decided on holding it between my thumb and index finger at the very end of the handle. Still didn't feel right.  It could make an interesting video...when I get back home, video my first attempt at using a knife and fork. It could either be a waste of film or really awkward and hilarious. By the way, here's a few things I like here that I didn't like or never tried back home: Mushrooms Eggplant Fish Eating mostly vegetables Napa (one 'p' or two?) Leeks Cabbage in mass quantities Donkey meat (highly suspected, but I can't confirm whether or not it WAS donkey). Oh, PS - I've been working on some videos, but because of my internet situation, I'm unsure on whether or not I can actually put them up.

Forgetting Spoons Plus Update

Before my actual post, I just wanted to update you guys on the situation. I know it's been a long time since my last post - I have been having some internet problems. The neighbors whose I've been stealing at my apartment locked their network, so I had to buy my own network. Good thing it's so cheap - it's 20 yuan for 100 hours. They just take it from my cell phone bill, which is convenient for me. Now I have to go to one of the school buildings on campus and use the internet. It's fairly reliable, but a little inconvenient. Oh, well....that's that. Happy reading! 5/15 I forgot how to hold a spoon today…..maybe I've been away for too long haha. I was eating what's called 砂锅 (sha guo), which is a small pot - maybe a little bigger than a softball - that's stuffed with vegetables and usually one or two types of meat. The pot is put over the fire, and then soup is added, cooking the raw vegetables and meat. Then you can choose to eat rice or bread with it (I say bread, but it's sort of like a mix between an English muffin and unleavened Jewish bread...interesting) and dive in. Since it's soup-based, you get a spoon and chopsticks with it. I used my chopsticks till the veggies ran low, and then picked up my spoon. It felt really strange - I couldn't decide between using 2, 3, or 4 fingers. It was really awkward, I wish I had been eating with someone or had my camera - I would have documented it. I ultimately decided on holding it between my thumb and index finger at the very end of the handle. Still didn't feel right.  It could make an interesting video...when I get back home, video my first attempt at using a knife and fork. It could either be a waste of film or really awkward and hilarious. By the way, here's a few things I like here that I didn't like or never tried back home: Mushrooms Eggplant Fish Eating mostly vegetables Napa (one 'p' or two?) Leeks Cabbage in mass quantities Donkey meat (highly suspected, but I can't confirm whether or not it WAS donkey). Oh, PS - I've been working on some videos, but because of my internet situation, I'm unsure on whether or not I can actually put them up.

4/4.....Xian, Day 2: Part 1

It’s story time! This is one of the most awkward/embarrassing things that’s ever happened to me. It could have been avoided if I hadn’t been so f##king tired. I was in one of those I-can’t-really-think-because-I’m-so-tired states of mind.

So….the hotel called my room around 10:00 or so and asked me how I was doing and everything. They asked me a few questions, and I was a little confused about why they were asking me. I could make out “what are you doing now” and “how many people are in your room” among other things. (Usually, when I don’t understand something, I’ll say “yeah, uhh….” in that kind of ‘I’m thinking’ voice). After talking on the phone for a couple of confused minutes on the phone, there was an awkward end to the conversation. I got in bed, about to go to sleep, when there’s a knock at the door.

I opened the door, and there were two women there asking me if they could come in and some other questions. They kept asking where my friend was (I had told them on the phone that I was waiting on a friend to come, which was true) and they kept saying something about giving them 600元, which I was confused by. They saw I was confused, so they pulled out two condoms….which only further confused me. I was trying to get out of the situation, but couldn’t express myself, so I had to embarrassingly go to my friend’s room, wake her up and let her defuse the situation.

After Jing sent them away, she said, “sit down, there’s something we need to discuss”. She told me that most hotels call the rooms every night wanting to know if they need any services. Oh yeah….then I remembered hearing the words "fu wu” on the phone (which means "service"), but being so tired at the time, I hadn’t processed it. Services which included condoms……

Oh…..then my tired brain put 2 and 2 together…..2+2 in this Chinese hotel = I’m screwed (ha. wordplay.). In my attempts to translate and answer their questions, I had pretty much said “yeah, uhh….I could use some female company for me and my friend *wink*”. Being a considerate hotel wishing to keep their guests happy and relaxed, they naturally provided.

Wow. When that all hit me when I was sitting with Jing, I wanted to vanish on the spot. Damn. I had woken up my extremely tired and achy friend in order to ask her to send away my hookers. Damn.

“You are the First Foreigner I Have Ever Met”

"You are the First Foreigner I Have Ever Met" If someone says that to you and it doesn't rock your world, I don't know what will. This past weekend (3/12-13) was an amazing weekend - Rayna took me to her parents house for lunch and her parents cooked us a huge 6 or 7 course meal with some amazing food - oh man...homecooked Chinese food is the best. Her parents did not speak any English, so of course I had to bust out my very limited Chinese, but it worked out very well - her father was very happy that 我会说一点汉语。 We talked about Chinese culture and history, the earthquake in Japan, what I was studying and where I was from, and just other random stuff like that. Where we couldn't communicate, Rayna stepped in as our translator (very often).  It was really humbling to be considered an honored guest of a family who invited me into their despite never having met me before. They treated me so well, I am overwhelmed by some people's kindness here. As much as I know you would like to see pictures, there are just some situations where you don't want to pull out your camera - it seemed impolite.  The next day - Sunday, I visited the West Campus of L.U.T. - 西校区，as they call it here. The campus is massive and you can tell it's a fairly new campus. The copious amounts of dust that have stained the buildings here hasn't quite taken a hold on the West Campus. I went to meet 3 friends, but our numbers eventually swelled to around 10 or 15 at the peak of the day.  Everyone at the West Campus stared at me - apparently there are no foreign teachers at all on the West Campus, so many people have never met or actually seen a foreigner, which is something that still blows my mind. It's so different than America - America has every type of people from every country because it is on top for now and many people want to come to America to live or visit. Because of that, we see people of every race every day - not so here in Gansu, China. Everywhere you look, it is just a sea of Chinese people - sure, different ethnic groups like the Hui, Dai, Yi, and more, but they all come from the basic genetic pool - black hair, the Asian eyes, shorter in stature for the most part, and roughly the same skin tone. Someone like me REALLY sticks out. It is a continual reminder of where I am. The students at the West Campus have been really cool - I got invited to a random person's apartment and they made a massive meal for the whole crowd in the room. After the meal, we all just sat around and chilled for a while and talked and then they showed me the campus. It was a great weekend and I got to meet a bunch of people and see some cool stuff.  (I am sorry I haven't posted much lately - my internet is really, really, really unreliable. It's so hard to get on). I have 3 or 4 more videos made, but I haven't been able to post them - sorry :(

Hunger and a Guy Named Kitty (non-related)

Hello from Lanzhou!

You know how people say that if you eat a big Chinese meal that you'll be hungry again in a couple of hours? IT'S SO TRUE!! I always seem to be hungry and it's kind of annoying, really. I guess I'm just waiting for my stomach to shrink down or something. I eat and I'm totally full or past full, but yet, 2 hours later, guess what??

I'm hungry again. I don't really know what to do about that. I hate to be snacking all the time; it makes me feel like a fattie, so mostly I try to just wait it out. Luckily, one of my teachers brought me a bunch of fruit, so I can have bananas or apples or little baby oranges for the next week or two....she brought me a lot!

Classes start on Monday, which is a good thing - It'll be nice to have something to do and a teacher-student setting to learn my Chinese. I got my textbooks yesterday - 4 for 155元, which is about 20$ or something like that in US$. It's SOOO nice compared to one textbook for 100$ US....oh man, I love how cheap stuff is here.

I love the students here - the ones that come up and talk to me rather than just stare, anyway. They really are very nice and very polite and genuinely excited to be speaking English with a native speaker - I met two guys yesterday who could barely speak at first because they were so nervous/excited; it was really funny.

Anyway, I really liked them, their names were Freddy and Kitty (yes, Kitty)...he didn't have an American name yet, so he told me to call him Kitty. Hmmm...interesting. I'll have to help him with that name soon, because Kitty is awful. They said it was their first time to ever talk to a native English speaker, which kind of blew my mind, really. Wow...

Freaking Kitty.

A guy named Kitty.

I've posted up a couple more videos on YouTube if you want to check them out and leave comments or video responses or whatever:




Hope everyone is well!