WC Bob (I'm Sorry, Man)

I'm sorry to have to tell this story, but it's way too funny to keep secret anymore. I do feel bad about this, though.

Okay, so when I was in Lanzhou, I met a whole lot of people. Of course I did, China's got a ton of people, and since I was Lanzhou University of Technology's first-ever exchange student, I got a lot of attention, right? Yeah.

So, anyway, I met a bunch of dudes who were going to study abroad the next year - among them Janson and Freddy, who became my bandmates and my best friends while I was over there.

I also met Bob.

Bob was also going to study at NEIU - I didn't know him that well, and I still don't, but I liked him and still like him. Occasionally, I will still talk to him.

When I first met him, it was on L.U.T.'s West Campus, because that's where he lived. We talked, exchanged numbers, and I put him in my phone as "WC Bob" - short for "West Campus Bob", because I already had a "Bob" in my phone.

Now, here's where things get a little complicated. China has a couple of hundred years' worth of history in dealing extensively with Europeans, mainly the British and Germans. Even now, there are traces of this influence all over the country, but none more odd than the WC sign.

The WC sign is known as representative of one thing: the bathroom - public bathrooms, more often than not. It took me a long time and a lot of asking before I found out WC stood for "Water Closet," a mostly British term.

No doubt, you can see where this is going.

I had never connected the name in my phone and the sign on the streets as being the same. They were always locked away in my brain as two different things, of course. WC Bob is a cool dude, and the WC is where I go to the bathroom. I never even thought about the fact that it could be a point of embarrassment for Bob.

A few months had gone by, and I was in Guangzhou (Canton, for you historians and old-timers haha) with Bob and some of the other L.U.T. students, when we were trying to find out what Bob was up to.

Somebody's phone was dead, and I said, "Use mine, he's under WC Bob."




................................"What?"

"WC Bob. West Campus Bob - that's where he lives, right?"

................................."Dude, WC is the toilet."

And wouldn't you know it, Bob walked in right then. Perfect timing.

"HEY, WC Bob!!! We were trying to find you!" said the other guys.

He was really confused, and once the whole story emerged, both of us were quite embarrassed - me because of my ignorance, and Bob because of his newly-found nickname. I believe it's been forgotten, but just in case it hasn't, I want to take this moment and tell Bob that I'm sorry. That was my bad, dude, and I know they gave you crap about it for a little while.

Sorry, dude.

And that's the story of Bob "WC" ****, a true tale of cultural ignorance, loss of face, and forgetfulness.

4/4.....Xian, Day 2: Part 1

It’s story time! This is one of the most awkward/embarrassing things that’s ever happened to me. It could have been avoided if I hadn’t been so f##king tired. I was in one of those I-can’t-really-think-because-I’m-so-tired states of mind.

So….the hotel called my room around 10:00 or so and asked me how I was doing and everything. They asked me a few questions, and I was a little confused about why they were asking me. I could make out “what are you doing now” and “how many people are in your room” among other things. (Usually, when I don’t understand something, I’ll say “yeah, uhh….” in that kind of ‘I’m thinking’ voice). After talking on the phone for a couple of confused minutes on the phone, there was an awkward end to the conversation. I got in bed, about to go to sleep, when there’s a knock at the door.

I opened the door, and there were two women there asking me if they could come in and some other questions. They kept asking where my friend was (I had told them on the phone that I was waiting on a friend to come, which was true) and they kept saying something about giving them 600元, which I was confused by. They saw I was confused, so they pulled out two condoms….which only further confused me. I was trying to get out of the situation, but couldn’t express myself, so I had to embarrassingly go to my friend’s room, wake her up and let her defuse the situation.

After Jing sent them away, she said, “sit down, there’s something we need to discuss”. She told me that most hotels call the rooms every night wanting to know if they need any services. Oh yeah….then I remembered hearing the words "fu wu” on the phone (which means "service"), but being so tired at the time, I hadn’t processed it. Services which included condoms……

Oh…..then my tired brain put 2 and 2 together…..2+2 in this Chinese hotel = I’m screwed (ha. wordplay.). In my attempts to translate and answer their questions, I had pretty much said “yeah, uhh….I could use some female company for me and my friend *wink*”. Being a considerate hotel wishing to keep their guests happy and relaxed, they naturally provided.

Wow. When that all hit me when I was sitting with Jing, I wanted to vanish on the spot. Damn. I had woken up my extremely tired and achy friend in order to ask her to send away my hookers. Damn.